Is God saying He's the One? (post from previous blog, 'Twenty-one and undone')

So tonight, I finally found something I think is worth blogging to you guys. I've been mulling it over and over in my heart for forever. I ask my mom what I should write about sometimes, and she says,"wherever the keys take me", but tonight, I was in for some sweet, sweet heavenly revelation I wasn't expecting. And even better, it was from a book.
About three and a half moths ago, I met this super awesome guy. Let's refer to him in only general terms, for privacy purposes. 
Things were going so perfectly. We truly enjoy each other's company, share the same silly quirks, and love the exact same things, especially as far as humor goes. He was the bomb.com in my eyes. We even went to a winter formal together, where we witnessed an engagement together during a walk around the town square where we live! How romantic right? All the right things seemed to be happening.
But then.....disaster.
Some unsavory details of his past came to the surface. He was honest and open about it to me, and a couple days later, he decided he needed to figure himself out before we started to really date. We had bonded strongly over a short time, so naturally, this was painful to me, especially after the disaster of my last relationship that left me more fragile than a newborn butterfly. Fast Forward to now, and we are still getting stronger. We have a best friend type of bond. But I couldn't help but feel like it is time to narrow down where this relationship was heading. Sadly, I haven't figured that part out yet, but after some prayer, I think that some mercy has been shown to my pleading prayers over this guy. When we first met, I didn't automatically think he was the one, but I definitely felt something that I hadn't felt in such a while. An awakening, if you may. It felt so wonderful. But that doesn't mean what I thought it meant..... in all this, I couldn't hear God's voice. What I had not realized, was that bitterness had overtaken me so badly that I no longer recognized it as cancerous...It just became something that I no longer felt was alien..but boy, do I see it now. 
It's always..."why me?", "why this...why that.?" , but now I get it. 
I used to feel that I was being punished for not getting to be the last guy's wife..I truly thought that all the mean things I had endured were a punishment for listening to my inner voice and deciding enough was enough. Now, I realize that I was oh so wrong. So, so, so wrong. I thought I was the one in control of that, but I was wrong about that too.
It never occurred to me that whatever plans I had for myself, were nothing compared to Heavenly Father's plan for me! It NEVER CROSSED MY MIND that the things I had planned out for myself..just because they were worthy goals, DID NOT mean that they were the PLAN...do you get what I'm saying? I was telling my God...my omniscient, all powerful Heavenly Father what to do with my life! I was telling Him that this was going to happen this way and not this way. Like I said, it was not God's voice.
I have been reading this book by a woman named Susan Rohrer, titled, Is God saying He's the One?
and some of the passages in this book are tender mercies to the prayers that are fresh on my heart. 

1. If I am so confused..even doubtful about this guy..even for a second...then what does that probably mean? Here's scripture that seemed to heal that loaded question..."...for God is not a God of confusion, but of peace..." 1 Corinthians 14: 29, 32-33. How truly beautiful is that? If what we are seeking is from God, then the Spirit would give us peace..not lead us to confusion and doubt.
2. This quote made me realize how much Heavenly Father cares for his single daughters. The profoundness is simply astonishing. "Stop for a moment and think about this: from the very beginning, God observed the deep need men and women have for each other. The creation of womankind was not an after thought. It did not take our omniscient God by surprise that Adam would need a mate. That wasn't  a holy oops. God had already created all the animals, implicitly including males and females as He blessed them, saying that they should be fruitful and multiply." How amazing is that??? 
3. My favorite idea from this book so far, is the fact that the author herself, has had several lessons on objectively receiving revelation despite her own feelings. For example, She had three men tell her in the same day that they truly believed that they were "the one" for her. However, Knowing that she needed to have this confirmed to her through prayer, or other revelation, she knew that this could not possibly be true. But then she noticed something about the third man. He simply stated back to her that he would give her time as well to "catch up" to him on this revelation. And sure enough, through faith and prayer, they were married two years later. This is what she wrote about this "lesson", or experience. "That quiet faith had kept him at rest while he waited for my heart to catch up with his, till we stood at the altar-God, he and I- uniting as that three-fold cord that is not easily broken. Indeed, as of writing this, we have been married more than three decades". Seriously???? HOW BEAUTIFUL IS THAT?

So to leave this post, I just want to tie all this together with my journal entry from tonight....I think I finally have peace about everything as soon as this was all tied together excruciatingly slow in my heart, but at last, it is here. And it is a beautiful thing.

Some days, I just don't know what God is saying. It is so frustrating. I guess He might be trying to teach me a few things. For a very long time, I've always been telling God how my life will go. I never once stopped to consider that maybe what I thought He wanted for me was not in line with what I wanted for me.  But so many beautiful things have risen from this pain that I have been feeling for way too long. First, I WANT TO SERVE MY GOD! before this, I could not have said that and truly meant it. I was not humble enough, or broken enough to know that serving my Heavenly Father was the key to happiness. My life has turned out to be so much more than a temple marriage to a man , that now when i look back on and see that we had nothing in common. Some days, I still think that I am being punished for not getting to be his wife, but now I am starting to realize that my Heavenly Father holds me so dear, and loves me sooooooo, soooooo much that he HAD to make this situation painful in order for me to change my ways. He leads us into deep waters, not to be drowned, but to be cleansed. I now realize that this was not because of me, but because He has HUGE plans for me, and that my plans and my times will not always match up with His. YES! :) I finally get it! :)